Ooze Email Charisma & Be A Human Being
Only 60% of those asked complied.Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I’m in a rush?
Here, 94% of those asked let her skip ahead of them in line. At first glance, it appears that the crucial difference between the two requests was the additional information provided by the words “because I’m in a rush.” But, Langer introduced a third type of request which is really the one that will blow your mind. Excuse me, I have five pages. May I use the Xerox machine because I have to make some copies?
93 % agreed to let her cut ahead of them The moral of the story is that our brains like to find reasons for things. We won’t fight or disagree with it as easily if someone told us why they needed something from us, even if that reason is completely bogus, like the last one above. Of course she has to use the Xerox machine to make copies. That’s what it’s there for! But our brains don’t always differentiate between a real reason and a fake one once the default has been met.In this case, the default is the word: because. So next time you are calling or emailing someone and you really need to convince them to complete the you-do being sent, give them the reason: Hey Sarah, I hope this finds you well. I’m sure you’re as busy as I am but I was wondering if you can review this for me and get it back to me by the end of the day because I’m meeting with the owner first thing in the morning. Let me know if that is possible. Thanks so much, Sarah! Sure, you can use this knowledge of the “because” rule deviously, but that wouldn’t be very nice, now would it. Reciprocate Don’t just take take take. If the request really is a favor, let her know that you will respond in kind the next time they need something. Itches always do find their way to the most unfavorable places. It’s best if you help each other out. In fact, reciprocity is what our modern civilization was built on. From Robert Cialdini’s, Influence: “Sociologist, Alvin Gouldner, said that there is no human society that does not subscribe to the reciprocity rule. The noted archaeologist Richard Leakey ascribes the essence of what makes us human to the reciprocity system: “We are human because our ancestors learned to share their food and their skills in an honored network of obligation.” “Cultural anthropologists Lionel Tiger and Robin Fox view this web of indebtednessas a unique adaptive mechanism of human beings, allowing for the division of labor, the exchange of diverse forms of goods, the exchange of different services (making it possible for experts to develop), and the creation of a cluster of interdependencies that bind individuals together into highly efficient teams.” So, knowing all this, our email to Sarah might now look like this: Hey Sarah, I hope this finds you well. I’m sure you’re as busy as I am but I was wondering if you can review this for me and get it back to me by the end of the day because I’m meeting with the owner first thing in the morning. Let me know if that is possible. If so, I owe you one next time. Thanks so much, Sarah! Does writing this email guarantee that Sarah will comply? No, but your odds will greatly increase. Of course, writing this email takes more time than the original version but it will save you a boat load of time later on explaining to the owner why you don’t have the report ready.